hazaa!

learning to accept the things the way they are... it's a harder task than it sounds.

i've realized i've been very pessimistic maybe for maybe my whole life, not satisfied with where i am, always trying to be better, always conscious, and even selfish at times. i needed a change in my life, and focusing on what was important has helped me see things a little more clearly, thus the beginning of an important organization of my goals achieved, and yet to be achieved. everything kind of seems to make sense now, because of this:

i think i found a concept of love... more open, forgiving, selfless, but confident. why spend our days worrying about everything when we all know our mortality is well, mortal? (ha ha ha..)

i just realized to disregard the bullshit, and focus on the word "love", which can be interpreted in so many different ways.

i can't tell if my dog is asleep or not, his eyes are half open. he had 4 slices of watermelon, ate them to the last bit. hes a charmer.

this was a good post. now i can look back at this and be proud of myself for not being lazy.

colorado.

taking some time off such a hectic schedule and having time to relax is turning out to be a very good thing.

i've gotten to know myself a little better... learning to accept the things i cannot change, and having the courage to change the things i can. i think im doing okay, i think im doing better. a little less time spent on what i do, and more time spent on who i am..was maybe something that needed to happen, that was aching to happen, but then wasn't the right time nor place.

i want to take advantage of this phase of my life, to learn something new about myself each day, to focus my energy on self-development, accepting the fact that i'm not perfect, im prone to mistakes and flaws. i feel like i can complain so much about how i was raised, the things i was taught growing up, and how it has affected me, etc.. but i don't want to. complaining does nothing but create more problems, and my past can never carry on to my future.

im going to do focus on two things the remainder of my break:

1. focusing on ME.

2. focusing on MY art.

i hope they turn out to connect themselves together. i have a good feeling about this. i have absolutely no clue of how to go about doing these two things, but i somehow know in my guts that it'll all work out in the end. the least i can do is believe.. believing is underrated. having the ability to believe deeply in something i think is something to be respected for, and admired.

i'm rambling on, but writing all this down is helping me clear and organize my thoughts into sections.

okay, this is good enough for now.

more lata!