hazaa!

learning to accept the things the way they are... it's a harder task than it sounds.

i've realized i've been very pessimistic maybe for maybe my whole life, not satisfied with where i am, always trying to be better, always conscious, and even selfish at times. i needed a change in my life, and focusing on what was important has helped me see things a little more clearly, thus the beginning of an important organization of my goals achieved, and yet to be achieved. everything kind of seems to make sense now, because of this:

i think i found a concept of love... more open, forgiving, selfless, but confident. why spend our days worrying about everything when we all know our mortality is well, mortal? (ha ha ha..)

i just realized to disregard the bullshit, and focus on the word "love", which can be interpreted in so many different ways.

i can't tell if my dog is asleep or not, his eyes are half open. he had 4 slices of watermelon, ate them to the last bit. hes a charmer.

this was a good post. now i can look back at this and be proud of myself for not being lazy.

colorado.

taking some time off such a hectic schedule and having time to relax is turning out to be a very good thing.

i've gotten to know myself a little better... learning to accept the things i cannot change, and having the courage to change the things i can. i think im doing okay, i think im doing better. a little less time spent on what i do, and more time spent on who i am..was maybe something that needed to happen, that was aching to happen, but then wasn't the right time nor place.

i want to take advantage of this phase of my life, to learn something new about myself each day, to focus my energy on self-development, accepting the fact that i'm not perfect, im prone to mistakes and flaws. i feel like i can complain so much about how i was raised, the things i was taught growing up, and how it has affected me, etc.. but i don't want to. complaining does nothing but create more problems, and my past can never carry on to my future.

im going to do focus on two things the remainder of my break:

1. focusing on ME.

2. focusing on MY art.

i hope they turn out to connect themselves together. i have a good feeling about this. i have absolutely no clue of how to go about doing these two things, but i somehow know in my guts that it'll all work out in the end. the least i can do is believe.. believing is underrated. having the ability to believe deeply in something i think is something to be respected for, and admired.

i'm rambling on, but writing all this down is helping me clear and organize my thoughts into sections.

okay, this is good enough for now.

more lata!

just bs-ing

friday morning..!

school is draining me. but the rain here is so soaking.

i need to get out there.. wherever 'there' is, to do something to accomplish, to prove to myself of my limits.. and it has to be something different than art.. its too overrated for me, at least.

school is such a forced environment- i need inspiration. an idea, a thought.. or many thoughts, to get me moving on to a different path- to look at things from another angle, in a quest for something deeper.. where people can connect to my thoughts in that specific time, place, and mood. its acceptable. i just wanna say go ahead.. figure me out. its art. it's MY art.

creating something isn't the hard part. it's about finding those little imperfections, the glits and errors.. we as people always tend to overlook these things, we wanna see whats supposed to be right, what's normal, ordinary, plain, boring... those are the last things i want to see. that's bullshit to me. ..

maybe i had too much coffee earlier.

time to zzzzap

you feelin' good?

can i say

im doing fine on cloud nine

oh everyone here is so kind,

could i possibly ignore the sign?

what signs? the shine? or apples of pine?

a doobie from a hobo cost me 2 georges,

and can i say you have never looked so gorgeous.

just gonna hang on the bright side,

i want to guide my own life.

im the one to judge?

you make me wanna say fudge..

im gonna forget and eat a whole baguette.. with strawberry cream cheese.

the train breeze feels nice,

after class the dinner is rice,

gonna add some sauce and spice

what the hell did i just write?

i dont give a spi'zike.

PSYCH3!

2010.

two thousand and ten.

it feels like yesterday when people were hyped up about the millenium.

now we're in its double digits, which kinda scares me a little bit.

for me, the year of 2009 was VERY hectic.

i've had to deal with things that i thought i never would, learned maybe too many lessons, and fought my way (sometimes literally) into the real world. the year 2009 was also one of the most important year of my life so far, because of my decision in switching my major to illustration. i felt like i found myself through these interactive classes. they helped me disregard the bullshit, and guided me to discover my real passion in art. illustration would not only help me express who i am and what i do, but relate my thoughts and feelings to the world, which is the part that excites me the most. the feeling of people looking at your pieces, and feeling a certain way is something that can only be attained by the artist himself. depending on my stroke of the brush, contrast in values, composition, i have the ability to make a person feel a certain way, and different for another- it is the most brilliant and respectable way to communicate. i also love the fact that art is always a process- and the outcome of the process depends entirely on the artist. to find the soul of each piece, i think is most rewarding about creating art.. i have some theories like this about art and life in general, but you're just going to have to wait till i feel like typing again.

my point is, im very content with the major i've chosen, and it will be a easy hill from here and on. but it will still be a hill.

i've most definitely learned from the year of 2009- now the year 2010 is to take that knowledge and experience, and define something valuable for the future. here i come!