you never know...

2 days ago, my grandmother had a stroke. 15cc of blood was spilled inside of her right brain when one of the veins popped and made her faint. 15cc wasn't enough to make her paralyzed, but her left side of the body is partially paralyzed and she can barely talk, or move functionally as a complete human being.

I have just talked to her on the phone with my parents, and it was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. My dad couldn't even talk to her because of the tears swelled up in his tear ducts, and I could barely get any words out of my mouth. She could hardly speak, and didn't quite recognize who I was. It is so tragic and so painful to talk to someone you love so much, and not being able to talk to them and tell them you love them so much because they won't recognize who you are. It is even more painful, being half-way across the world, and not being able to run up to her and give her a big hug and a kiss.

So.. to anyone who reads this blog, please do not take anyone (especially the people you love and that matter to you) for granted, always tell them how much you appreciate them for being that certain part of your life, because you never know what could happen to any of them at anytime, right this day, right this hour, and even right this second.

it is how it is.

"these feelings won't go away, they've been knockin' me sideways. "

word.
change. i'm scared of it, and excited of it.
me? alone? in the big bad city of los angeles? give me a break... literally.
hectic, hectic these days are, with so much going on, (rooming and classes, mostly.)

i am worried. I am fearful. I am cautious. I am takin a wide look and a big breath.
they still won't go away.

just sittin'

The last 2 days were one of the most hectic days of life. Packing, moving, unpacking boxes, driving the U-Haul truck, driving it back, everything was craaaazzzy.

My parents have decided to move to the city of Longmont, the most boringest city in the state of Colorado. (it's chosen one of the best retirement spots in the States!) Half the people I see here are old people (like, really old) and it's already starting to take a toll on me. Parentals have decided to move here because it is closer to their work. They never gave me a chance to argue about staying in Boulder. Lame. It's a nice little aparment, where I'm staying at, with a swimming pool and a gym. I'm really starting to think about what I'll be doing here for the rest of the summer before I go to college. Hm...

the so called MUZIC

it's an amazing thing.
probably only one of few that actaully makes sense anymore these crazy, hatred filled days, where the sun never seems to be at the bottom again. Mile High Music Fest pt 2 was today, and i was lucky enough to get a ticket (for cheaper) from my best friend. and im so glad that i went! it was worth every penny. i've never actually ever been to such a huge festival with so many people gathered in one place for the same purpose- their love and appreciation for mu:sic. My eyes are slowly shutting down from being so tired running around to different stages to see different artists of different genres. my voice is gone form yelling and cheering for the bandskys, the guiltar, bass, and drum solos, and of course, the epic Dave Matthews Band performance. The bands and groups i saw were: the rose hill drive, tea leaf green, the black crowes, the roots, flobots, john mayer, and a couple more. I can't really hear out of my right ear anymore, but i'm sure it'll be alright in the morning. it was amazing to see so many people gather together and have a kick-ass time listening to the music, burning the green, and never forgetting to remember to put your hands in the air.

go ahead, make yourself at home.

i recently became unknowingly interested in this really complex but a very interesting thing, so-called; new age philosophy. They educate our greased-up, rusted, and clanking brains, and strengthen our most wildest curiosities. The key here, is to think less logically, ask fewer questions, and always be open to the very unknown, living the life of the power of the concept; "right now" the only real time that exists within and all around us.

I believe that being present is being in love, for love is how and why life IS.
You're not being an american, not being a teenager, no roles, no categories. You just are, and that's why and how existance of love happens.